Two Hours by Lola Simon

It is early evening in late spring. A woman is seen standing outside an extremely crowded pizza place in Brooklyn.  The neighborhood outside is quiet; mostly residential brownstones. Someone enters from offstage.


ADAM

I put our name on the list but they said the wait is going to be about two hours.


HANNAH

I swear to god these New York restaurants are insane. This better be the best pizza ever.


ADAM

I’ve been reading up on it.. Trust me, it’s really good. I heard this is Taylor Swift’s favorite pizza place. She eats here all the time.


HANNAH

[jokingly] Since when did you care about Taylor Swift?


ADAM

I mean true but it’s still cool right?


HANNAH

Well hopefully Taylor Swift knows her pizza. Maybe we’ll run into her.


ADAM

You never know. Keep your eye out for black SUVs. So, do you want to hear a little bit about this place?


HANNAH

Sure.


ADAM

Okay so the guy that owns it--his family makes the mozzarella in Italy and it gets flown over every day.


HANNAH

Are you serious? From Italy? That must be crazy expensive.


ADAM

Actually yeah I made that up. But they do make their own cheese.


HANNAH

Still, a two hour wait is a little ridiculous. Do you really think it’s worth it?


ADAM

What do we have better to do? It’s Friday night.


HANNAH

Why don’t we just find somewhere else to eat? I’m sure there are other good places around here.


ADAM

It’ll be fine. We could walk around the neighborhood or something. I think it’s BYOB so maybe we could look for a wine store?


HANNAH

Wait--they don’t serve alcohol here?


ADAM

Yeah.


HANNAH

But we didn’t bring any.


ADAM

That’s why I’m saying we should look for a wine store.


HANNAH

Adam, this looks like a nice place but I feel like it’s getting a little complicated.


ADAM

It’ll be fun. We can catch up on things. I’ve been so busy with work lately we haven’t had much time to just talk. I want to hear about how the research for your book is going.


HANNAH

I guess. It’s just that I’m supposed to go to that writing workshop at 10 tomorrow so I really don’t want to get home too late.


ADAM

They said they could seat us by 9:30. It’ll be fine.


HANNAH

But it’s an hour back into the city and I feel like it’ll be at least twelve--


ADAM

Hannah. We won’t be back too late. Calm down. Let’s just have a nice evening for once.


HANNAH

For once?


ADAM

You know what I mean. We just don’t get out that much anymore.


HANNAH

Well maybe we’d get out more if you weren’t so busy all the time.


ADAM

It’s not my fault--you know how busy my job can be, especially now with the site launching next week and--


HANNAH

I just feel like--why are you complaining we don’t go out enough when it’s your fault that we’re not going out enough?


ADAM

Okay fine. I’m sorry. All I’m saying is that we should enjoy this evening together.


HANNAH

I want to have a nice evening too. I just don’t feel like waiting two hours for some pizza place.


ADAM

Hannah. Why do you have to be so impatient about everything?


HANNAH

Impatient? [She laughs angrily] I’m being impatient? Because I don’t want to wait two hours for some goddamn pizza?


ADAM

I don’t understand why it matters that the wait is two hours. We don’t have to be anywhere.


HANNAH

But why would we want to wait two hours? We don’t have to be anywhere but there are much better things to do in life than wait an absurd amount of time for something we could find on any corner in New York. Not even New York--something you could get literally anywhere.


ADAM

This isn’t just some dollar slice place. The New York Times said this is the best pizza in New York.


HANNAH

I don’t care if the New York Times or Taylor Swift said it was the best pizza in New York.


ADAM

Don’t be like that.


HANNAH

I feel like you act like the New York Times is some godly all knowing force that you have to follow.


ADAM

Okay now you’re just being dramatic. I’m not just blindly following whatever the New York Times says but they tend to have good restaurant recommendations. Remember that curry place we went to a couple weeks ago? You said that was the best curry you’ve ever had. We should take advantage of these restaurants even if there is a wait.


HANNAH

What about that sushi place across the street? Why don’t we just go there?


ADAM

I don’t want to go to the sushi place. You know I don’t like fish. And at this point we’ve already been waiting for the pizza place.


HANNAH

You know what? I don’t really feel like having pizza. And we still we have an hour and fifty five minutes left to wait.

ADAM

[smirks] Exactly. We’ve already been waiting for five minutes.


HANNAH

Adam I am NOT in the mood right now.


ADAM

Fine. Be like that. You’re so sensitive sometimes. What happened to the old you that could actually take a joke?


HANNAH

Oh you better not be going there. When did you become such an asshole?


ADAM

I’m an asshole now? Because I wanted to take my girlfriend out for a nice dinner?


HANNAH

Yeah I really feel like you’re making me out to be the bad guy here. Like usual.


ADAM

You know what? Why is this turning into such a big deal? We’re waiting for pizza, it’s a beautiful night, there’s really no reason to be negative right now.


HANNAH

It’s not that I’m trying to be negative. Honestly, I want to talk to--


ADAM

Why don’t we go find that wine store?


HANNAH

Adam I’m--


ADAM pulls out his phone.


ADAM

Look, there’s a wine store ten minutes away.


HANNAH

Can we just go find another place for dinner?


ADAM

Hannah please. Jeremy has me working like crazy lately and I’ve been really looking forward to this.


HANNAH

Okay how about this: We go to a different restaurant tonight and then come back for pizza on a night during the week when it’s not as crowded.


ADAM

That makes no sense. You know how busy I am during the week and we’re already here now. Why would we come back later?


HANNAH

We can plan on going on a day when we’re not so busy.


ADAM

There’s still going to be a wait.


HANNAH

But maybe it won’t be as bad. Adam, I’m trying to compromise here.


ADAM

Why do we need to compromise on this? I don’t understand why you’re so insistent on not eating here.


HANNAH

I don’t understand why you’re so insistent on eating here.


ADAM

You always have to make things more difficult than they need to be. This was supposed to be a nice evening.


HANNAH

I wanted a nice evening too. You’re the one who chose the pizza place with the two hour wait.


ADAM

I chose it because I heard it was good. Maybe there’s a two hour wait for a reason.


HANNAH

You could’ve asked me before we came if I wanted to go too.


ADAM

Why would I need to ask you about a restaurant?


HANNAH

Because sometimes I feel like you never give me a say in anything.


ADAM

That’s not true.


HANNAH

Isn’t it? When was the last time I got to pick where we were going for dinner?


ADAM

I don’t know--why are you bringing this up now?


HANNAH

Why not now? Haven’t you been saying we’ve got time?


ADAM

I can’t believe we’re arguing over pizza.


HANNAH

Maybe we’re not arguing over pizza--


ADAM

Don’t escalate things.


HANNAH

Adam, let me speak.


ADAM

Fine. Then speak.  


HANNAH

I’m think I’m going to move to California. At the end of the month.


ADAM

What? What are you talking about? Why are you just telling me this now?


HANNAH

I’ve been trying to talk to you for weeks but you’re always too busy.


ADAM

It’s not my fault, I told you, Jeremy has been--


HANNAH

It’s not always about you.


ADAM

It isn’t always about me but you know that compared to you I have a lot more going on.


HANNAH

You don’t even know what I have going on.


ADAM

That’s not true, you’re working on that book, about uh, fish.


HANNAH

Yeah. Just some book about fish.


ADAM

Come on.


HANNAH

Do you even know anything about the book I’m writing?


ADAM

[ignoring her question] What do you mean you’re thinking of moving to California?



HANNAH

A friend of mine works at a publishing company in L.A. and just offered me a job and I’m thinking of taking it.


ADAM

I don’t understand. This is so sudden. I thought you were happy here.


HANNAH

I wish I was happy here. I’m sorry but the truth is I hate the cold. I hate the subway. I hate having to wait two hours for overrated restaurants.


ADAM

I’m not going to move to California. I have my job here and--


HANNAH

You wouldn’t have to move with me.


ADAM

But what does this mean for us?


HANNAH

We could still keep it long distance or--I--I don’t know Adam.


ADAM

I can’t believe you right now.


HANNAH

I’m sorry.


They stand for a view moments in silence, staring at the ground.


HANNAH

I think I’m going to head back to the apartment.


ADAM

Be my guest. I want pizza.


HANNAH starts to walk off stage. She turns back to look at ADAM. He continues to stand outside, staring anywhere but at her. HANNAH walks off stage. Finally, ADAM looks up at the spot where she just exited.


HOST enters.


HOST

Anybody out here waiting for a table for two?


ADAM

I am.


HOST

Was your name already on the list? A party didn’t show up and I could seat you now.


ADAM

Yeah, it was under Adam. I said for two, but I’ll just be one.


ADAM follows HOST off stage.