She hides, she seeks by Diela Maharanie
I wanted to live wrapped in a box
locked away from jigsaws and buttons
doors that slam and peppers that burn
I wished I would find appreciation in the veins
of leaves
of the ice on my sleeves when I walked
through the streets
I dreamed I would look up one day
and see stars that shined brighter
than electrical lampposts
I had the will to cut away the pavement
that made my feet hurt as they pounded
and hurried and bustled
I tried to see past metaphysics that made my head burn and cry out strings of lost thought
lost imagination
lost lovely sensations
It came crashing down on me
and everything unfurled and churned
and spun up a storm of failure and
danger
and lust for clear skin
need for praise
eager for approval of yesterday's French braids
I left my impulses in bed
because of what she said
I ripped off my braces because they contrasted
my painted nails
I tied my shoes with one loop because two
had less finesse
And I forgot that people are animals
and I didn't know what I was and I should have
and I knew that but I didn't care because
she said I didn't have to
But I still wanted the sweet peppers and
puzzles
leaves' intricacies
I just got distracted for a while
tossed off track
and
I'm sorry for that
