Times New Roman by Lola Simon

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A few minutes ago I switched to Times New Roman

 

And I still haven’t done anything but write these sentences

I’d like to think I’m trying to make some kind of connection

Or some kind of correction

To something tangible for once but

All I can do is come up with words

That are meaningless to me

Yet I can’t turn them off

Until they mean

too much

 

And I thought this time

if I switched to Times New Roman

It would make me write something that

wouldn’t lead me back to my

faulty projections

And faulty reflections

Or make me go off in some stupid direction

That would make me actually have to think

 

Or maybe I’m not thinking at all

I can’t remember

 

I know if I stop writing right now I will have to

Go back to some summer I never had

But was told to write about

And I always do what I’m supposed to do

Because if I don’t then I won’t do something great

The fake kind

The kind you get from spending your life following instructions

 

And now I’m starting to think

About how I might not really be thinking right now

And this entire time I’ve gone off on a tangent

I just want to imagine

That I could actually give something meaning intentionally

That I could write something about butterflies and it would be beautiful

 

And so would my eyes

Or my lips or the words that come from the back of my throat

Instead of my stomach

Because the words from my stomach are making it hard to move

And one day I want to explore

 

But for now

I’m stuck in Times New Roman