All In My Head by Rebecca Park

  iPad drawing by Rebecca Park (the author)

iPad drawing by Rebecca Park (the author)

Ringing of sirens takes a trip through my brain yelling screaming ringing screeching piercing pounding of the ears of my spaghetti-like brain of my body i tremble my heart pounds and knocks at the doors of my chest asking to come out because it needs a breath of fresh air so would it be okay for it to take a breath and take a step out of its house i tell it no I need you I need a heart because without it I would be nonliving lifeless and this is your home why do you want to leave your home as I see the duane reade next to me I see someone running out and she is running down the stairs oh this is fun and i follow her because i have to go home anyways but once i arrive downstairs there are no remains of her but i feel her breath lingering in the air and i wonder why for a second because she had been right in front of me but literally when i blinked my eyes she was gone and i swear i saw her and it wasn’t even abnormal the way she vanished because she’d fluttered away in the most graceful way that it wasn’t even noticeable and then i realize that i have turned into her and this is why there is no trace of this mystery person it had been me all along and as i laugh silently i swipe my green metrocard and glide down the stairs with the remains of a trance swimming around in my brain and there is pretty violin music tucking itself into my ears and i can compare it to soft and silky pink ribbons so i pretend to be as agile as i lift up my arms and make waves and prance along the sides of the platform making hand motions and bending down and reaching up being a ballerina a ribbon a bird a jellyfish floating in salty water around and around the newspaper stand and an abrupt whoosh slaps me at the rounds of my face and whispers loud gibberish that swipes the hair away from my face and i do not see a newspaper stand anywhere and i am merely standing not moving at the slightest as a train slides its way in front of me making way for passengers to take a ride home or to work or from work from school to times square or wherever else they needed to go in this vast land of new york city manhattan brooklyn queens staten island rhode island etc and as i step in and look out the opposite window i see a newspaper stand at the other side which is strange but then if you really try to make sense of anything and everything then anything and everything can be strange and confusing and weird so i ignored it as i concentrate on the magnetic forces beneath me pulling at my feet and pumping pumping like my heart is attached to my feet and the train pulls away